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I Love Absurd Lawsuits

Oh Hai!

In a former life I was a lawyer (it was a very short life).  I am still fascinated by the law, especially the outrageous lawsuits that plague our courts.  Our legal system is a great thing, but only in America can such ridiculous and absurd lawsuits be filed and won.  If you have ever spent time perusing the warning labels on even the safest of products, they are the result of some of the lawsuits mentioned below.  Enjoy.

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1.  Now We Know Why This Guy Flunked Out of Law School

Thomas Bentley of New Jersey is suing his former law school, St. Thomas University Law School of Miami, for having admitted him to law school (he was later one of 40 students expelled for insufficient grades). The Florida law school’s attrition rate is in keeping with the national average.

Presumably, Bentley initially asked the university to admit him but that didn’t stop his lawyer Michael Lombardi from saying, with a straight face:”They’re not supposed to accept students who don’t have a reasonable prospect of completing law school.”

2. And We Know Why This Guy is in Jail

An inmate filed a $5 million lawsuit against himself (he claimed that he violated his own civil rights by getting arrested) — then asked the state to pay because he has no income in jail.

He said, “I want to pay myself $5 million dollars, but ask the state to pay it on my behalf since I can’t work and am a ward of the state.” The judge was not impressed by his ingenuity, and dismissed the suit as frivolous.

3. Clear Proof That Dogs Are Smarter Than People

A minister and his wife sued a guide-dog school for $160,000 after a blind man learning to use a seeing-eye dog trod on the woman’s toes in a shopping mall. Southeastern Guide Dogs Inc., a 13-year old guide-dog school and the only one of its kind in the Southeast, raises and trains seeing-eye dogs at no cost to the visually impaired. The school is located about 35 miles south of Tampa.

The lawsuit was brought by Carolyn Christian and her husband, the Rev. William Christian. Each sought $80,000. The couple filed suit 13 months after Ms Christian’s toe was stepped on and reportedly broken by a blind man who was learning to use his new guide dog, Freddy, under the supervision of an instructor. They were practicing at a shopping mall. According to witnesses, Ms Christian made no effort to get out of the blind man’s way because she “wanted to see if the dog would walk around me”.

4. Can You Put A Warning Label on Dumb?

A college student in Idaho decided to “moon” someone from his 4th story dorm room window. He lost his balance, fell out of his window, and injured himself in the fall. Now the student expects the University to take the fall; he is suing them for “not warning him of the dangers of living on the 4th floor”.

5. But, They Promised Beautiful Women

A man sued Anheuser-Busch for $10,000 for false advertising. He claimed that he suffered physical and mental injury and emotional distress from the implicit promises in the advertisements. When he drank the beverage, success with women did not come true for him plus, he got sick. The Michigan Court of Appeals affirmed a lower-court decision dismissing the case.

6. Does Missing the NFL Playoffs Violate the 8th Amendment?

An inmate, calling himself a sports fanatic, complained that, as a result  of cruel and unusual punishment, he was forced to miss the NFL playoffs,  especially between Miami and San Diego, San Diego and Pittsburgh, and
Dallas and San Francisco.

7. I Swear, I Have Never Seen That Kid Before

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her  peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

8. But I Had A Really Good Reason For Throwing It

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a  Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

9. But You Should Have Let Me Rob You

A convicted bank robber on parole entered a bank, went up to the teller, and said, “Give me the money. I’ve got a bomb.” The bank teller did as instructed, except that hidden in the rolls of money turned over to the robber was an anti-robbery device that released tear gas. The device functioned as intended .. and the robber sued the bank.

10. It’s a Medical Issue

A Florida woman is suing Walt Disney World for banning her from its Tower of Terror ride, saying riding it is a medical necesity.  Denise Mooty says the “G-forces of going up and down” the 199-foot thrill ride help break up fibrous adhesions in her abdomen.  Disney, she says, had decided to limit her to four rides a week, far fewer than the dozens her doctor has ordered.  Mooty was then banned, Disney says, “for causing a disturbance within the presence of other guests and using foul language toward a Cast Member.”

I will bring you more absurd lawsuits at a later date.

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Thank You For Your Consideration,

The Graham Ten

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