Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest
I started with dumb lawsuits. Next came dumb prisoner lawsuits. Now I present dumb criminals for your consideration. Enjoy!
1. Say Cheese! Say Arrested!
A couple entered a Wal-mart and proceeded to steal $2000 worth of digital cameras. The police had little to go on until they discovered, by perusing the store’s security tape, that the female member of the duo had snapped her partner’s picture on a display camera. The picture was printed and released to the public. It didn’t take long for the couple to be identified and arrested for their crime.
2. Can I Have a Job After I Rob You
Alejandro Martinez entered a pizza parlor and asked for a pizza and a job application. While he waited for just the right moment to rob the place he filled out the application with his real name and address. He then proceeded to rob the pizza parlor, pocket $200, and leave the application on the counter. Despite the overwhelming evidence, Martinez plead not guilty and went to trial.
3. Oops Wrong Store
Paul Callahan went out one morning intending to rob a bank. He slipped a note inside an newspaper and entered what he thought was a bank. He handed the newspaper and the note to the store employees who were quite puzzled. They informed him that he had entered a copy store instead of a bank. Mr. Callahan then asked the employees for the location of the nearest bank. When they said they didn’t know, Mr. Callahan left. The copy store employees called the police. Mr. Callahan was arrested the next day after actually robbing a bank. He was apprehended at a gas station where his truck had a flat tire. Mr. Callahan had actually called 911 for help with his tire.
4. When Counterfeiting Goes Horribly Wrong
A man in North Carolina used a very odd counterfeit bill to pay for his groceries. The $200 bill had a likeness of George W. Bush on the back. To make matters worse the store clerk did not bat an eye at the bill, let the man use it to pay for his groceries, and gave him $50 in change.
5. That’s Not Mine Officer
In Yankton, South Dakota a woman went to her son’s Boy Scout meeting where a police officer was demonstrating his drug dog. She was arrested after the dog found pot in her purse.
6. Hey, How Does That Work
In Detroit, a man walked up to a police car where the officers were showing some kids how the squad car computer. The man asked how the computer worked. The police officers asked for his identification and entered it into the system. The man was arrested a few minutes later when the system turned up a two year old warrant for armed robbery.
7. I Swear I am Over 21
In Colorado Springs a man walked into a corner store with a shotgun and asked the clerk to hand over all the money. After the clerk had complied, the man saw a bottle of scotch behind the counter. He demanded that the clerk turn that over as well. The clerk refused, stating that he did not think the man was over 21. The man proceeded to hand over his identification to prove his age. The clerk gave the man the scotch and he promptly left the store. The clerk then phoned the police with the robbers name and address. The man was arrested two hours later.
8. I Swear It’s Just a Lizard In My Pants!
In Las Vegas, Don Astorga was caught violating the Endangered Species Act. According to authorities, police noticed some unusual moving bulges around Don’s groin area while he was at the Las Vegas airport and arrested him. Don had put lizards in socks and then stuffed them down his pants. That would explain the moving bulges.
9. Assault With a Palm Frond
In June last year, Gelando Olivieri held up an off-license in Florida with possibly the weirdest weapon ever … a palm frond. Staff say the 33-year-old threatened to stab them with the Spanish bayonet’s sharp leaves if they didn’t hand over $50. Hapless Olivieri was then chased out of the shop by a man armed with a barstool before he got any money.
10. Stop Or I Will Shoot, With My Finger
Back in 2003, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Californian bank without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he forgot to keep his hand in his pocket.
Thank You For Your Consideration,
The Graham Ten