More Insanely Crazy Aburd Lawsuits
If you like to read about the nuttiness that can occur in the American legal system, here are some insanely crazy absurd stories for you. Don’t get me wrong our system is definitely the best legal system going, but when you give people free and open access (as you should) some nuttiness will definitely ensue. Case in point.
He Must Have Been Quite a Guy and She was a Lawyer
A jury awarded $178,000 in damages to a woman who sued her former fiance for breaking their seven-week engagement. The breakdown: $93,000 for pain & suffering; $60,000 for loss of income from her legal practice, and $25,000 for psychiatric counseling expenses.
(RCI) Repetitive Clapper Injury
A New York appeals court rejected a woman’s lawsuit against the company that makes the device called “The Clapper”, which activates selected appliances on the sound of a clap. She claimed she hurt her hands because she had to clap too hard in order to turn her appliances on: “I couldn’t peel potatoes (when my hands hurt). I never ate so many baked potatoes in my life. I was in pain.” However, the judge said she had merely failed to adjust the sensitivity controls.
A Very Expensive Razzing
Mike Marlowe fully admits that he sometimes gave George Gillespie a hard time in that AOL chatroom.
But never in his wildest imagination did he expect to be sued in court for what he characterized as “razzing.”
“We gave him crap,” said Marlowe, a 33-year-old welder in Fayette, Ala. “I’m not going to deny it. I teased him and he teased me back. He gave it back better than he ever got it.”
A generation ago, such petty personal beefs might have been settled with fists outside the corner bar, but now it’s the Internet age — and Ohio resident George Gillespie instead filed a $25,000 lawsuit against two erstwhile cyber chums he met in the sprawling 900-room, mostly anonymous society that makes up AOL’s chat universe.
Don’t Sit Too Close to the Stripper
Bennie Casson filed a lawsuit in Belleville, Ill., against PT’s Show Club for its negligence in allowing a stripper to “slam” her breasts into his “neck and head region” as he watched her, a little too close to the stage.
Casson claims in his lawsuit that dancer Susan Sykes (aka “Busty Heart”), who claims to have show business’s biggest chest at 88 inches, gave him a “bruised, contused, lacerated” neck.
Carson has filed suit claiming that the “gifted” performer slammed her breasts into his head and neck, causing “emotional distress, mental anguish and indignity.”
The $200,000 lawsuit states that Carson was “bruised, contused, lacerated and made sore” by Heart’s breasts, which reportedly weigh in at 40 pounds apiece.
Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Oops! Maybe it was a Different Gertrude Walton
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Gertrude Walton was recently targeted by the recording industry in a lawsuit that accused her of illegally trading music over the Internet. But Walton died in December after a long illness, and according to her daughter, the 83-year-old hated computers.
More than a month after Walton was buried in Beckley, a group of record companies named her as the sole defendant in a federal lawsuit, claiming she made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name “smittenedkitten.”
Trains Run on Tracks?
A Jeannette woman who was slightly injured after being struck by a train while walking along railroad tracks sued Norfolk Southern Corp. Thursday for failing to warn pedestrians that trains travel on tracks.
Patricia M. Frankhouser, of 910 Scott Ave., is seeking an unspecified amount in excess of $30,000 from the Norfolk, Va., rail transport company for the Jan. 6 incident that left her with a broken finger, cuts on her hand and pain, according to the suit.
Greensburg attorney Harry F. Smail Jr., who represents Frankhouser, didn’t return a call seeking comment.
Within the filing, he argues that the railroad was negligent for failing to post signs warning “of the dangers of walking near train tracks and that the tracks were actively in use.”
According to the suit, Frankhouser was walking along the tracks near Seventh and Eighth streets in Jeannette.
“Defendant’s failure to warn plaintiff of the potential dangers negligently provided plaintiff with the belief she was safe in walking near the train tracks,” the suit states.
A Fat Pirate’s Booty
Meredith Berkman, seeking $50 million, filed one of the first anti-fat lawsuits against the manufacturer of a snack food named Pirate’s Booty. It looks like eating too much Pirate’s Booty had added too much booty to Ms. Berkman’s booty.
In December, 2001, the Good Housekeeping Institute tested Pirate’s Booty, which is basically flavored puffed rice, and found that it contained 147 calories and 8.5 grams of fat, while its label said it contained only 120 calories and 2.5 grams of fat.
The manufacturer, Robert’s American Gourmet Foods (a subsidiary of Keystone Foods), blamed the problem on a change in its manufacturing process and immediately recalled the product from store shelves.
Nearly four months after the recall, Berkman filed a $50 million class-action lawsuit against Robert’s Foods, claiming “emotional distress” and “weight gain…mental anguish, outrage and indignation.” The complaint claims to represent all consumers who ruined their diets and had to spend more time at the gym because they ate mislabeled Pirate’s Booty.
Hell Has a Special Place For Lawsuits Like This
Lawyers for the Martinez family said they had filed a lawsuit against the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Santa Fe and one of its priests. They family alleges that Reverend Scott Mansfield said at the funeral of Ben Martinez, 80, that he was “living in sin,” “lukewarm in his faith” and that “the Lord vomited people like Ben out of his mouth to hell”. Nine members of the Martinez family are seeking punitive and compensatory damages for severe emotional and physical suffering. The complaint also said that as Father Mansfield walked to the grave, he laced his comments about Mr Martinez with profanities. Lawyers did not say how much the family was seeking in damages. Church officials have denied the family’s claims.
I Want That One!
A woman went into a Northridge discount department store to buy a blender. She decided to take the bottom box from a stack of four blenders from an upper shelf used to store extra stock. When she pulled out the bottom box, the rest of the boxes fell. She sued the store for not warning customers from taking stock from the upper shelf and for stacking the boxes so high. She claimed to sustain carpal tunnel syndrome and neck, shoulder and back pain.
It Was a Really Big Piece of Gum
An El Paso woman filed suit against a supermarket after tripping over a piece of dried gum on the sidewalk outside the store. Before dismissing the case the trial judge asked “How does one trip over gum? How many times has everyone in this room stepped on gum without tripping?”
The Sacramento Bee reports that Lee Williams, 23, is seeking $25,000 in damages from a tattoo parlor for misspelling the word “villain” on his right forearm. The problem is, the incorrect spelling “villian” came from Williams himself, who was unsure as to the spelling of the word upon entering the parlor. After much debate he settled on the incorrect spelling. In fact, Williams did not even notice the error until years later, when a friend made fun of him. Claiming the tattoo cost $1,900 to remove and left a scar on his forearm, Williams is now asking for $25,000 for his own mistake.
Thank You For Your Consideration,
The Graham Ten