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Test Answers That Boggle The Mind

Oh Hai!

After hearing the following musing from an actual student, I was inspired to look for other amazing leaps of educational brilliance that just boggle the mind.

Actual 9th Grade Student Musing While Cutting Apples: Do fingers have bones?

Answer: They would be pretty floppy if they didn’t.

I hate to be stereotypical, but this blond young lady is a cheerleader.  In defense of other cheerleaders, many of my best students have been involved in that activity.

Other Amazingly Mind Boggling Test Answers

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.

Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies
who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.
The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have
to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He
died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.
He was A actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible.
It sounds Like he was sort of busy too.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a
young female moth.

Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving
people advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose
of wedlock which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his
career suffered a Dramatic decline.

In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled
biscuits, and threw the java. The games were messier then than
they show on TV now.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going
to be made king. Dying, he gasped out “Same to you, Brutus.”

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard
Shaw for reasons I don’t really understand. The English and
French still have problems.

Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a
success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all
shouted “hurrah!” and that was the end of the fighting for a
long while.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important
invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
Cigarettes and started smoking.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper
which was very dangerous to all his men.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He
never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
pentameter.

Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented
Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were
two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered electricity by Rubbing two cats backward and also
declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.” He was
a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s
Mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands… Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and
got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750
to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world
and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and
half English. He was very large.

Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that
he wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He
took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for
him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started
reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a
network of rivers to spring up.

Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work
of a hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I don’t know why.

Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species.
It was very long. People got upset about it and had trials to see
if it was really true. He sort of said God’s days were not just 24
hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I don’t get it.

Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what
she did. Other women have become scientists since her but they
didn’t get to find radios because they were already taken.

Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the
movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the
family had to have a job, I guess.”

Thank You For Your Consideration,

The Graham Ten

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