For further consideration, more lawsuit silliness. Only a free an open legal system could produce these gems.
* A Michigan woman filed a $500,000 lawsuit after a beautician nicked her finger during a $5 fingernail repair.
* A Panama City Beach, Florida couple sued McDonald’s claiming an improperly prepared bagel damaged the husband’s teeth and ruined their marriage.
* A Cincinnati man sued the Bengals football team and the National Football League claiming the team violated its stadium lease by failing to field a “competitive” team.
* A high school baseball pitcher in Pittsfield, Illinois who was hit by a line drive is suing the maker of the baseball bat.
* A cleaner from Grand Haven, Michigan stole what she thought was a large candle from the condominium she cleaned. Later, while at a restaurant with friends, she lit the ‘candle’. The candle was in fact a huge firecracker and the woman was severely injured. She sued the condominium owners for not putting a warning on it. The condo owners say they had put the huge firecracker in a cupboard out of the reach of children after it had been left at their house after a party.
* In Michigan a prisoner sued the prison service for his flatulence. The inmate said that his wind was caused by the food he was being served.
* An employee of a hospital was smacked in the head while she was being pushed in a wheel chair through an entrance ramp that was not intended for wheelchair access. She sued the makers of the gate for her injuries. The jury found that the makers of the gate were not at fault, other employees of the hospital said that the ramp was not intended for wheelchair access.
* A Louisiana woman made national and international headlines when she filed suit against Wal-Mart over what she claims was a much-too-close encounter of the furry kind. According to the lawsuit, the woman ran over her own foot with a shopping carter after being startled by a large rat-tailed rodent described as “Norman the Nutria.” As a result of the injuries she allegedly sustained during the incident, she’s suing for pain, suffering, mental anguish, fear, disabling injuries, and past, present and future medical expenses.
I hope the silliness made you giggle. If we don’t laugh, we will certainly cry.
Thank You For Your Consideration,
The Graham Ten
I thought I had found all of the best crazy lawsuits. Boy was I wrong. Here is some more craziness for your consideration.
1. And Which Kind of Bread Would You Like That On?
John Agnesini, 27, of Astoria, New Yorker sued Subway because he took a bite of a sandwich and found a 7 inch serrated knife baked into the bread of his 12 inch cold cut sandwich. He was not cut by the knife, but he became violently ill and experienced severe stomach pains for about three hours. A doctor told him he was experiencing the symptoms of food poisoning, possibly from the filthy knife baked into his bread. He is suing for $1,000,000. Gross and unsanitary? Definitely. $1,000,000 gross? I am not so sure. Read more at The New York Post.
2. Excuse Me, Those Are My Magic Powers You are Using
A man named Christopher Roller, a resident of Minnesota, recently sued David Blaine, David Copperfield, and James Randi claiming that acts he had seen them perform could not possibly be done by trickery and thus must be actual divine magic. He claimed the magicians were covering up their magical abilities and demanded that they reveal their secret magic tricks to him. Roller sued not just because he claimed the performers were using divine powers – he sued because he thinks he is God and therefore it is his powers they were stealing. He demanded 10% of their earnings for life. After his suit was dismissed, Roller filed an affidavit claiming that the lawyer for the performers tried to kill him. Can you kill God? You can read more about Mr. Roller at The Skeptics Guide to the Universe. A fun podcast by the way.
3. I Swear I Thought It Was My Gun
The City of Madera, California and Officer Marcy Noriega filed suit against a taser company after Officer Noriega mistakenly shot and killed a suspect with what she thought was her taser but was really her gun. Officer Noriega decided to tase the suspect in the back of her car when he became uncontrollable and started kicking at the windows. Noriega drew her taser from her belt and fired it at the man. Unfortunately for the crook, the officer had accidentally drawn her gun, and she shot him in the chest. The suspect died from his wound. The city sued the taser company, arguing that any reasonable officer could mistakenly draw and shoot their gun instead of their taser. The city also claimed that their officers were given inadequate training in the use of the device. They sued for the full costs of the wrongful death lawsuit which the man’s family has filed against the city. Read more about it at The Madera Tribune.
4. The Thong Lawsuit
A 52 year old traffic officer from Los Angeles sued Victoria’s Secret for damage to her eye. She claimed that while she was trying on a new thong a design defect caused a decorative metallic piece to fly off and hit her in the eye. The woman sought unspecified damages for an eye injury that had her out of work for a few. Read more about it at The Smoking Gun.
5. Oh The Irony
Two members of PETA were driving home from a protest in New Jersey when they hit a deer which had run on to the highway. The members informed the New Jersey Division of Fish and and Wildlife that they intended to sue for damages and injuries. In their letter they stated that the Division was responsible for the damages “as a result of their deer management program, which includes, in certain circumstances, an affirmative effort to increase deer population.” Silly me. Isn’t increasing the animal population part of what PETA is all about? Read more about it here.
6. The Weather Report is Never Wrong
An Israeli woman sued a TV station for an inaccurate weather forecast. The forecast predicted good weather but it rained instead. The woman claimed that the forecast caused her to dress lightly – resulting in her catching the flu, missing a week of work, and spending money on medication. She further claimed that the whole incident caused her stress. She sued for $1,000 – and won.
7. A Frightening Haunted House?
A woman who attended ‘Halloween Horror Nights’ at Universal Studios sued the theme park for $15,000 in damages. She claimed to have suffered extreme fear, mental anguish, and emotional distress due to visiting the haunted house, which she said was too scary. That raises the question (inside to the power of inside TBTL reference). Can a haunted house be too scary?
8. A Different Kind of Subway Lawsuit
A New York City woman sued after she was hit by a subway train. In most cases this would be a tragic accident. In this case the woman was patiently laying on the tracks in an apparent attempt to commit suicide. She was awarded $14.1 million by a state supreme court jury. The reward was later cut by 30 percent, to a mere $9.9 million, because of her “comparative negligence.”
9. A Vampire In Prison
Robert Paul Rice, in prison for 1-15 years on various felony charges, sued the Utah State Prison system, claiming that they violated his right to practice his religion. The problem is he professes to be a Druidic Vampire. Mr. Rice claimed in his suit that the prison system violated his right to religious freedom by failing to provide him with a “vampire” diet of blood and denying him a conjugal visit with his “vampress.” Mr. Rice’s suit was thrown out of court. Dare I say it? That sucks.
10. Why Shouldn’t I Get the Retirement Benefits?
Fayette Nale, 56, is serving a 3-15 year sentence at the Women’s Huron Valley Correctional Facility in Ypsilanti after she was convicted in Macomb County on charges of voluntary manslaughter. Mrs. Nale was convicted of stabbing her husband of 34 years Michael, 56, to death after a struggle in their home. As if the tragic loss of her husband was not bad enough, his employer refused to pay her survivor pension benefits. Mrs. Nale then proceeded to sue the Ford Motor Company Retirement plane for the benefits. I am sorry Mrs. Nale. This just not compute. Read more about it at the One Minute Lawyer.
If you like to read about the nuttiness that can occur in the American legal system, here are some insanely crazy absurd stories for you. Don’t get me wrong our system is definitely the best legal system going, but when you give people free and open access (as you should) some nuttiness will definitely ensue. Case in point.
He Must Have Been Quite a Guy and She was a Lawyer
A jury awarded $178,000 in damages to a woman who sued her former fiance for breaking their seven-week engagement. The breakdown: $93,000 for pain & suffering; $60,000 for loss of income from her legal practice, and $25,000 for psychiatric counseling expenses.
(RCI) Repetitive Clapper Injury
A New York appeals court rejected a woman’s lawsuit against the company that makes the device called “The Clapper”, which activates selected appliances on the sound of a clap. She claimed she hurt her hands because she had to clap too hard in order to turn her appliances on: “I couldn’t peel potatoes (when my hands hurt). I never ate so many baked potatoes in my life. I was in pain.” However, the judge said she had merely failed to adjust the sensitivity controls.
A Very Expensive Razzing
Mike Marlowe fully admits that he sometimes gave George Gillespie a hard time in that AOL chatroom.
But never in his wildest imagination did he expect to be sued in court for what he characterized as “razzing.”
“We gave him crap,” said Marlowe, a 33-year-old welder in Fayette, Ala. “I’m not going to deny it. I teased him and he teased me back. He gave it back better than he ever got it.”
A generation ago, such petty personal beefs might have been settled with fists outside the corner bar, but now it’s the Internet age — and Ohio resident George Gillespie instead filed a $25,000 lawsuit against two erstwhile cyber chums he met in the sprawling 900-room, mostly anonymous society that makes up AOL’s chat universe.
Don’t Sit Too Close to the Stripper
Bennie Casson filed a lawsuit in Belleville, Ill., against PT’s Show Club for its negligence in allowing a stripper to “slam” her breasts into his “neck and head region” as he watched her, a little too close to the stage.
Casson claims in his lawsuit that dancer Susan Sykes (aka “Busty Heart”), who claims to have show business’s biggest chest at 88 inches, gave him a “bruised, contused, lacerated” neck.
Carson has filed suit claiming that the “gifted” performer slammed her breasts into his head and neck, causing “emotional distress, mental anguish and indignity.”
The $200,000 lawsuit states that Carson was “bruised, contused, lacerated and made sore” by Heart’s breasts, which reportedly weigh in at 40 pounds apiece.
Source: St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Oops! Maybe it was a Different Gertrude Walton
CHARLESTON, W.Va. — Gertrude Walton was recently targeted by the recording industry in a lawsuit that accused her of illegally trading music over the Internet. But Walton died in December after a long illness, and according to her daughter, the 83-year-old hated computers.
More than a month after Walton was buried in Beckley, a group of record companies named her as the sole defendant in a federal lawsuit, claiming she made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name “smittenedkitten.”
Trains Run on Tracks?
A Jeannette woman who was slightly injured after being struck by a train while walking along railroad tracks sued Norfolk Southern Corp. Thursday for failing to warn pedestrians that trains travel on tracks.
Patricia M. Frankhouser, of 910 Scott Ave., is seeking an unspecified amount in excess of $30,000 from the Norfolk, Va., rail transport company for the Jan. 6 incident that left her with a broken finger, cuts on her hand and pain, according to the suit.
Greensburg attorney Harry F. Smail Jr., who represents Frankhouser, didn’t return a call seeking comment.
Within the filing, he argues that the railroad was negligent for failing to post signs warning “of the dangers of walking near train tracks and that the tracks were actively in use.”
According to the suit, Frankhouser was walking along the tracks near Seventh and Eighth streets in Jeannette.
“Defendant’s failure to warn plaintiff of the potential dangers negligently provided plaintiff with the belief she was safe in walking near the train tracks,” the suit states.
A Fat Pirate’s Booty
Meredith Berkman, seeking $50 million, filed one of the first anti-fat lawsuits against the manufacturer of a snack food named Pirate’s Booty. It looks like eating too much Pirate’s Booty had added too much booty to Ms. Berkman’s booty.
In December, 2001, the Good Housekeeping Institute tested Pirate’s Booty, which is basically flavored puffed rice, and found that it contained 147 calories and 8.5 grams of fat, while its label said it contained only 120 calories and 2.5 grams of fat.
The manufacturer, Robert’s American Gourmet Foods (a subsidiary of Keystone Foods), blamed the problem on a change in its manufacturing process and immediately recalled the product from store shelves.
Nearly four months after the recall, Berkman filed a $50 million class-action lawsuit against Robert’s Foods, claiming “emotional distress” and “weight gain…mental anguish, outrage and indignation.” The complaint claims to represent all consumers who ruined their diets and had to spend more time at the gym because they ate mislabeled Pirate’s Booty.
Hell Has a Special Place For Lawsuits Like This
Lawyers for the Martinez family said they had filed a lawsuit against the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Santa Fe and one of its priests. They family alleges that Reverend Scott Mansfield said at the funeral of Ben Martinez, 80, that he was “living in sin,” “lukewarm in his faith” and that “the Lord vomited people like Ben out of his mouth to hell”. Nine members of the Martinez family are seeking punitive and compensatory damages for severe emotional and physical suffering. The complaint also said that as Father Mansfield walked to the grave, he laced his comments about Mr Martinez with profanities. Lawyers did not say how much the family was seeking in damages. Church officials have denied the family’s claims.
I Want That One!
A woman went into a Northridge discount department store to buy a blender. She decided to take the bottom box from a stack of four blenders from an upper shelf used to store extra stock. When she pulled out the bottom box, the rest of the boxes fell. She sued the store for not warning customers from taking stock from the upper shelf and for stacking the boxes so high. She claimed to sustain carpal tunnel syndrome and neck, shoulder and back pain.
It Was a Really Big Piece of Gum
An El Paso woman filed suit against a supermarket after tripping over a piece of dried gum on the sidewalk outside the store. Before dismissing the case the trial judge asked “How does one trip over gum? How many times has everyone in this room stepped on gum without tripping?”
The Sacramento Bee reports that Lee Williams, 23, is seeking $25,000 in damages from a tattoo parlor for misspelling the word “villain” on his right forearm. The problem is, the incorrect spelling “villian” came from Williams himself, who was unsure as to the spelling of the word upon entering the parlor. After much debate he settled on the incorrect spelling. In fact, Williams did not even notice the error until years later, when a friend made fun of him. Claiming the tattoo cost $1,900 to remove and left a scar on his forearm, Williams is now asking for $25,000 for his own mistake.
Thank You For Your Consideration,
The Graham Ten